Responding to my Life

The Past

I started out in this world May 2nd, 1988 in Columbia, MO. Growing up I was known to be the sweet little fat girl, always smiling, and maybe a little on the quiet side at times. I want to point out that I never was that kid that set dreams for themselves on what they were going to be when they grew up, I mean I gave an answer when I was asked but I knew I would never be that! I was provided with a good life. I lived with my mother and she never made me feel like I was going without, it wasn’t until I was older that I realized how hard she struggled to provide for my sister and I growing up. My mother was also my fashion influence. Since I was the fat little girl I had no choice to wear her grown-up clothes to school, and my mother had style so naturally, it rubbed off on to me. I just didn’t know how much it did until I got to high school & it has bloomed from there. I may not have known what I wanted to be when I grew up but I did know that I was going to be a mother one day, that was one thing that I knew I could be…


 The Present 

A few years ago is when life started to become hard for me. My known smile wasn’t as big anymore, there was no such thing as true happiness for me. November 2015 I was 21 weeks and 5 days pregnant with who was going to be my first child. We named her Titan. I had something wonderful to look forward to, motherhood. One afternoon I went in for my routine doctor’s appointment. Just as always the doctor was listening for Titan’s heartbeat, he was having a hard time finding but assured me that it happens often but thought I should head to the next building for a better ultrasound. They never found her heartbeat. I had to give birth to a stillborn baby girl. That one thing that I knew I could do got taken away from me, motherhood. Just about 4 months after that, things got far from better, I got fired from my job of 7 years. I was completely lost as a person. I didn’t start to find myself until I was given a second chance at motherhood. My son is  1 ½ & I’ve had enough of letting my doubt and fears get in my way. I now realize that I never dreamed of becoming anything because I was too afraid of it not coming true. I wasn’t understanding that I was my own competition. It's time I start to respond to my life, not sit here and wait for things to magically happen. 


The Future

Through this blog I want to grow spiritually, mentally, and financially. I will be transparent for the world and share this journey of becoming who I want to be. A year from this day I hope to be closer to becoming self-employed, collaborate/partner with businesses, and to be better then I am today. I hope to inspire mothers, African American women, plus size women. I will respond to my life.


Photography: Marta Payne - Makeup: Makeup by Maxx

Dress, Shoes & Accessories: Ashley Stewart - Toddler Moto Jacket: Gap

3 comments

  1. I absolutely loved this post, your kid is sooo adorable. Plus I will definitely be coming back here!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I absolutely loved this post, your kid is sooo adorable. Plus I will definitely be coming back here!!

      Chi Efobi
      https://rattanandroses.com/

      Delete